4 Ways To Strengthen Your Relationship

I found this on my MSN main page today and thought it was a great read, you can take it for what it's worth but I thought there was some interesting thougts here.

Throw away those relationship handbooks and take a look at the fundamentals.

There is a common misconception about men that is wildly flaunted about society as if it were a fact, a product of our innate inability to care about people. This misconception is that few men actually care about relationships and of those that do, the majority don’t care how to develop and strengthen them.

Maybe this is a product of all those sleazy Hollywood breakups publicized in magazines. Or maybe it’s the movies, which express our society’s expectation that a man is either suave and sexy and therefore has no need to work at a relationship (because women will always be chasing him) or he is noble and romantic, in which case his natural self perfectly suits his woman.

Well, I am neither excessively suave nor sexy and I'm not overly romantic. I am not perfect and I don’t have movie star looks. So I’m stuck in the same situation as 99 per cent of all men: I care about my significant other and therefore I must work at a relationship in order to sustain it.

My point is that most men care about relationships and all relationships take work.

A Simple Comparison

What it all boils down to is this: most people just want to know that the person they love loves them. Truly believing that your significant other loves you opens the door for compromise and forgiveness. It’s sort of like a vending machine. You put your dollar in because you trust that you’ll get your candy, but sometimes the machine eats your money and you get nothing. What is your first reaction? Well, you’re hungry and irritated that you didn’t get your food, but later on, you realize you don’t trust that machine and instead you go to the vending machine in the next building.

Without further ado, this is how one can keep their own vending machine in proper order.

Let it Go

What do most couples fight about? Frankly, nine times out of 10, people fight about who left the lights on, who should’ve cooked dinner, whose turn it is to take out the trash or some other menial thing. It’s not easy, but try just letting it go. If your significant other sees you suck it up (even if it isn’t your time to take out the trash), it’ll make them think, “Wow. That was nice. I want to be like that.”

Taking the responsibility, even when you thoroughly disagree, is a great way to show you care and it speaks much louder than swear words or slammed doors.

Surprises

I’m not talking about birthdays, anniversaries or some other formal celebration. I’m talking about a random no-good Tuesday. Take him or her out to dinner. Put some flowers on the bed. Clean the kitchen so they don’t have to. Little surprises that mean something can express “I love you” far better than measly words.

When a person feels loved, they’ll bend over backwards to keep that feeling alive. Reciprocation is an infectious disease and when you treat someone you love with love, it’s nearly impossible for them not to return it.

Forgive

Obviously forgiving people for their mistakes is a biggie, but what people don’t realize is that most of the time we don’t actually forgive. When your husband or wife forgets to take the dogs on a walk, leaving you with the pain and he or she apologizes sincerely, bringing it up as ammo in the next battle means you did not forgive them in the first place.

Bringing up the past is a crutch and it creates bitterness because the person being criticized will inevitably feel like their significant other has not accepted the mistake, which in turn brings feelings of mistrust.
Throw away those relationship handbooks and take a look at the fundamentals.

Of course, if your girlfriend has cheated on you, that’s a different story. You have a right to hold on to that until things come around, but forget about all the stuff that doesn’t really matter. It will make loving someone so much easier.

Changing Perspective

This is perhaps the most important ability any person can have and I guarantee it will single-handedly solve the majority of problems in your relationship. Forgiving, letting go and surprising your mate, all great ways to show someone you care, will not create a relationship devoid of problems, but when you get to those fights, the ability for a person to step out of their own shoes and see the fight from their lover’s perspective makes all the difference in the world.

To understand that every action you take will have an effect on that person you care about makes things shine a different colour, does it not? For example, would you accept that job where you travel six months out of the year, the dream job you’ve been wishing for, if you knew that, even though your wife was cheering you on, deep down she was crying? The change in perspective would certainly give you some food for thought.

Before you take every word at face value, think of how you would feel if the roles were reversed. If your significant other was doing what you had the choice of doing, how would you react? The insight provided by such thought is pure gold and will keep you loving for a long time.

_____________________________________________
don’t kick the vending machine

Loving someone is about seeing who they are, not lamenting who they are not. For every thing I love about my girlfriend, there is something I wish I could change, but that is the great thing about love; you take the whole package and accept it. That’s love.